Freedom, Feminism, and The Homemaker
Freedom...what do you think of when you hear that word? Flags, military prowess, an open road, early settlers maybe. Freedom means so many things to so many of us, but are we willing to give it to others? In this day and age homemaking can often seem as if we have decided to become slaves to our families in the wake of feminism, but this isn't the case...or is it?
It was a question I heard very often as a child. I grew up in a home that valued higher education and believed in equality. My mother raised me on Gloria Steinem and the music of Joan Baez. She herself was very interested in women's rights as a teenager in the 1960's at the height of the feminist movement and a divorced woman of the 1990's to boot.
So when the question came up of what do you want to be, I had to have an answer. I moved through all of the usual answers rather quickly. Doctor, scientist, vet, teacher, safari expert (is that even a thing? :)) you know the usual kid stuff. adults were delighted in my answers especially when I wanted to be a nurse or a teacher. They were less delighted at my more male-driven answers of doctor, musician, and so on. Yet they always wanted an answer.
I was a tomboy and I enjoyed the outdoors, boyish hobbies like rock collecting, hiking, and fishing. Yet I loved my dolls and my toy kitchen. I delighted in washing laundry in my toy washer for my dollies and teddy bears too. It made me feel good to take care of them, nurse them back to health, and tuck them in at night.
I know that most people would say well that's because you were conditioned to do so. Well, in a way we all are conditioned to certain gender norms, but that wasn't the whole case for me. My mother taught us early on how to keep house and she did a good job taking care of us. My Granny modeled a true homemaker to me as well. She mainly worked from home and was a housewife in the 1950's and 60's. She never fit the image of oppression I was being presented with. She was happy, content, and loved her family.
My mom felt like a slave to us though and felt like she had been cheated out of her life as a secretary in the business world when she had to stay home on the farm in the late 60's for her brother to finish school. She got married and had us, kids, then after a long marriage, she was suddenly divorced with a small child to raise alone. I was 7 at the time and came along in my mom's late 30's as opposed to my sister who was born 14 years before me. Mom taught me to need no man, stand on my own two feet, and that most important and man and being a wife were not a career of a life path. So with two conflicting opinions, I felt lost.
Then came Nonnie and she seemed to have the best of both worlds. She worked in a store downtown near their home and came home to be a wife and mother. She had kids, a husband, a successful bridge club, and the cleanest tub I've ever seen with no complaints. She taught me to cook, fold laundry to perfection, and about selecting fragrances that were right for my skin. She taught me about feminine style and poise and told me I could be anything I wanted to be. She herself had considered being a nurse before becoming married, but marriage isn't what stopped her. She just loved being a wife more and she enjoyed working part-time hours to fit her schedule around her growing family. So my step-grandmother presented the balanced picture I was looking for, I just didn't know it yet because I was still seeing the issue in black and white for the most part.
Feminism: What do you want to be when you grow up?
It was a question I heard very often as a child. I grew up in a home that valued higher education and believed in equality. My mother raised me on Gloria Steinem and the music of Joan Baez. She herself was very interested in women's rights as a teenager in the 1960's at the height of the feminist movement and a divorced woman of the 1990's to boot.
So when the question came up of what do you want to be, I had to have an answer. I moved through all of the usual answers rather quickly. Doctor, scientist, vet, teacher, safari expert (is that even a thing? :)) you know the usual kid stuff. adults were delighted in my answers especially when I wanted to be a nurse or a teacher. They were less delighted at my more male-driven answers of doctor, musician, and so on. Yet they always wanted an answer.
Feminism: They wanted the right answer though and I had to give it to them!
I was a tomboy and I enjoyed the outdoors, boyish hobbies like rock collecting, hiking, and fishing. Yet I loved my dolls and my toy kitchen. I delighted in washing laundry in my toy washer for my dollies and teddy bears too. It made me feel good to take care of them, nurse them back to health, and tuck them in at night.
I know that most people would say well that's because you were conditioned to do so. Well, in a way we all are conditioned to certain gender norms, but that wasn't the whole case for me. My mother taught us early on how to keep house and she did a good job taking care of us. My Granny modeled a true homemaker to me as well. She mainly worked from home and was a housewife in the 1950's and 60's. She never fit the image of oppression I was being presented with. She was happy, content, and loved her family.
My mom felt like a slave to us though and felt like she had been cheated out of her life as a secretary in the business world when she had to stay home on the farm in the late 60's for her brother to finish school. She got married and had us, kids, then after a long marriage, she was suddenly divorced with a small child to raise alone. I was 7 at the time and came along in my mom's late 30's as opposed to my sister who was born 14 years before me. Mom taught me to need no man, stand on my own two feet, and that most important and man and being a wife were not a career of a life path. So with two conflicting opinions, I felt lost.
Then came Nonnie and she seemed to have the best of both worlds. She worked in a store downtown near their home and came home to be a wife and mother. She had kids, a husband, a successful bridge club, and the cleanest tub I've ever seen with no complaints. She taught me to cook, fold laundry to perfection, and about selecting fragrances that were right for my skin. She taught me about feminine style and poise and told me I could be anything I wanted to be. She herself had considered being a nurse before becoming married, but marriage isn't what stopped her. She just loved being a wife more and she enjoyed working part-time hours to fit her schedule around her growing family. So my step-grandmother presented the balanced picture I was looking for, I just didn't know it yet because I was still seeing the issue in black and white for the most part.
So why can't we have it all with feminism or can we?
As a young girl, I loved Daria on MTV in the 90's. One of my favorite scenes is Daria speaking with Mr. O'neal and he tells her that if we judge we get mental ( a corny pun on judgemental I know, I know...). Yet here we are judging each other. Look at her she's just a housewife. Look at her she never cooks for her kids and is never home because she works constantly. Look at the single mom with too many kids. Why does she stay home to keep house, it's not like she has kids? These are all things I've heard women say about other women over the years. We used to complain that men were oppressing us and to a large degree, there was an imbalance in thinking and men were certainly holding the reins of many women's lives. Yet, now we are oppressing each other as women, not that I'm implying men are off the hook either, it's just that we aren't working together, we are self-destructing as a gender.
With a claim that big about feminism you've got to be offended or expecting me to put my money where my mouth is...or maybe both.
Let's start simple, I don't hate men and I don't destroy my fellow women. I think there is room for everyone of every kind in this world. I also know that men can be homemakers and while I'm not discounting their contributions, this post is geared to female homemakers. In the interest of fairness, I will write a post on male homemakers in the next few weeks. Now to put up or shut up...
States that involvement in feminist activities may be least likely among stay at home mothers of low income or low education levels. Though it doesn't point to evidence for participation by age, being married or unmarried, income levels other than previous factors mentioned, sexual orientation, or ethnic identity.
Documented the displaced homemakers of the world and their plight. With no access to benefits, assistance, or a spouse in the case of divorce or death these women were in serious trouble financially. Many rejoined the workforce, but others who had little skill for business due to lack of training or education fell by the wayside. These women may have also been victims of ageism, which affects both men and women in our culture.
In the 1960's and 70's, it was Phillis Schlafly leading the charge for women to get back in the kitchen, scrub the floors, and be pretty when the mister arrived each evening. Oh and don't forget his breakfast ladies. Now many individuals have moved with the times and taken to Tumblr to express their anti-feminist sentiments. The first sentiment noted most prominently in the article is a misperception that feminists hate men. The study directly examined how women oppose feminism in our modern times. Many of the women cited a mindset of putting women above men did not want feminism to be a part of their values or daily lives. Others thought that the movement focused on female rights alone. Others cited views on postfeminism and a perceived reaching of gender equality in our society that now makes feminism unnecessary. Others loved being wives and mothers and felt feminism took a dim view of these lifestyles or life path choices they made. These women and most women have had difficulty in closely identifying with single women with no thoughts of a spouse or children in the future. After all motherhood or marriage are still very common choices for women around the world. It seems that being a proper feminist and all of its rules and don't were very restrictive as well and led women to leave the movement or never join in the first place. Others were reluctant to present men as villains to make their way in the world or to reach equality for women alone. Others liked being feminine and looking girly. They felt this was not allowed as long as one was a feminist.
Choice feminism has come to the forefront in recent years. It acknowledges that women can be homemakers, teachers, stay at home mom's, childless, married, single, divorced, astronauts, milkmaids and anything in between. As long as they make the choice without coercion or pressure from their spouse, family, etc... this is considered to be choice feminism. In this way, women are equal in being able to choose their own life paths just as a man would in most societies. It seems some feminists may have rigid ideas about a woman's role and feel that anything less than total freedom from everyone and everything is unacceptable. These women are unwilling to accept that women would choose to be a retro housewife by choice or even just a smart, educated, modern housewife in the age of the internet.
So as you can see we can have anything we want with feminism, but we are, as I said, self-destructing as a gender.
Choice feminism, with less strict rules but the same standards of integrity seems to be our best choice. I work from home and I freelance. This makes me happy, but I'm also a homemaker. I have no husband and no children. I do have a family to take care of though. With two little fur babies and a hungry roommate who works outside of the home, I still need to care for them. Not only do I need to care for them, I enjoy doing so. I do believe I should be free from catcalling, violence, sexual oppression, discrimination, wage disparity, and have the freedom to vote. I also believe that we all deserve access to family planning and contraceptives as well.
I don't believe I have to chop off my hair, wear pants all the time, and hate men vehemently. Nor do I believe working at home is wrong and I should be wearing a power suit in an office and while bras are uncomfortable I see the merit of them so I won't be burning mine anytime soon. Nor do I see me as a downtrodden homemaker with no brains and no options. I earn an income, get dinner on the table, forage and wildcraft remedies for my family, host dinners like a pro, and wear makeup anytime I want. I have a college degree and several certifications. I have been in a male-driven job as a firefighter and paramedic and I have worked in a world of women as a nurse aid. At the end of the day, I'm just a person who enjoys caring for others. So while I've grown out of my toy washer, kitchen, and teddy bear nursery, I still love caring for others just like Granny did.
What do you think, is there a role for all of us in this world and is choice feminism the answer? Let us know in the comments below and have a great day! :)
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