When you lose a job, loved one, precious item, or friend group grief will likely follow quickly behind. So how does a homemaker cope with grief without letting the house get away from them?

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The October sun filtered in through dusty blinds and the smell of hospital in all of its staleness invaded my nostrils. Alarms sounded, ventilators pumped, and down the hall, a nurse shouted for assistance with a patient who was in cardiac arrest in the ICU unit. My mother lay "sleeping", I use the word loosely since she never woke up after her neurosurgery. I stood wondering just what I would do without her.

My mother was young, 66 years old when she passed away after a fall complicated by regularly prescribed blood thinners. One minute she was speaking and the next minute she was on a ventilator unable to tell us goodbye. It was all mind blowing as I sat signing paperwork to purchase a casket and funeral services we would need to bury my mother who was just days before full of life.

I came home and muddled through a fog for weeks. At one point I wondered when the last time I had showered was (I know TMI, but it's true and I'm happy to say I'm now grooming regularly again). My dishes sat in the sink growing crusty, the laundry piled up, and the bathroom looked like a war zone. I lived out of the laundry basket and frequently microwaved dinner (a rarity for me before all of this). I forgot to pay bills, shop for groceries, and pick up other needed items. One morning I woke up with no tea, an empty fridge, a pile of overdue notices, and I just dissolved. My therapist and I had a long talk about it and worked to take manageable steps to get back on track. My roommate has also been a big help in taking on chores she didn't usually handle and for that, I am very grateful.

It's March now and although many days, hours, or minutes are still a struggle, I am living again rather than merely existing for the most part. Sometimes I have flashbacks that stop me cold or leave me crying as I fill the crock-pot for dinner, but they are coming less frequently now. Some days I feel like saying forget it and climbing back in bed, but no one would run my business and no one would run the house if I don't, after all, I am the homemaker here and my housemate does most of the things outside of our home that I don't do.

How does grief affect homemaking?

In every way possible is the most simple answer. Homemaking is a job like any other and grief can steal your drive to work here just as it can anywhere else. It also makes things simply monotonous, impossible, or pointless. Why should I do the laundry or make the bed? I'll just have to do it again later. It can make you sleep far more than you ever have or give you unrelenting insomnia that leaves you feeling like a zombie during the daytime and like a paranoid squirrel at night. Moreover, it can leave you in a fog where the simplest of things are forgotten (grocery lists in my notes app have saved me so many times these last few months). It can also make you do crazy things like leaving your reading glasses in the freezer (thanks roomie for finding those and bringing them back to me...after we searched for them for an hour). So grief can make you the polar opposite of your normal self and it's a lot like the wild west where anything goes or anything can happen.

How can you plan for grief on a daily basis?

Every day is different. I know that seems self-explanatory, but in grief, it means so much more. Sometimes I feel great and I'm basically numb to the pain, but I feel great. On those days I can clean for hours, make flower arrangements, feed a sick neighbor and be ready to save the world right now. Other days are a struggle to get up, dress, eat, and do basic chores or answer emails. So I've worked out a system of sorts that works for me, feel free to edit wherever you need too.

Plan weekly tasks by the day on Saturday
Get everything you need ready for the week on Saturday (lay out clothes, put medications in a pill box so you can take them in a second and not forget them, make sure you have groceries you need, run errands if you have too.)
Go back through the to-do list for the week and order tasks from most necessary to least necessary for each day.
Work when you feel most productive and be prepared to be flexible, most things can move to another day if you have to move them.
Be patient with yourself and mark those lists with what you've done for a sense of accomplishment.
Enlist a trusted friend or partner to remind you of the essentials when you are in a fog.
If you need to stop then STOP, it's not a race and you still need time to heal even though the world keeps turning.
See a therapist if you need to (Hospice provides free grief counseling even if your loved one was not a patient of Hospice, so contact your area Hospice for more information).
I make sleeping, eating, hydration and self-care my top priorities and everything else comes next so I know I get what I need. Without these things getting anything else done is next to impossible right now.
If you notice things don't work on certain days or at certain times then rearrange your schedule.

Complications of grief in my experience so far:

I am by no means a therapist or health care provider and I am not going to play one here, but these things have been stumbling blocks for me and these are some solutions I have found to overcome them.

Insomnia-I use Calms Forte from Hylands when I can't sleep along with Calming Blend Essential Oils in an oil warmer. I also take a hot bath with Epsom's Salt before bed and add lavender essential oil to this as well. For added power when I really can't sleep I drink some Sleepy Time Tea as well from Celestial Seasonings. Of course, Yoga is great and I love the BedTime Yoga video from Yoga With Adriene. Meditation is great too and The Honest Guys have a great channel on YouTube to help you through nearly any stressful event with more comfort.
Oversleeping-This one is a big one for me and I use a simple trick of two alarms. I have a Samsung tablet with Smart Alarm which I love and I set multiple alarms on my iPhone as well. I make sure one is across the room from me so I have to get up to turn it off.
Forgetting to eat- I have a wonderful roommate who will prod me to eat, but if she isn't home my preset iPhone reminders do the trick.
Forgetting to hydrate- Preset reminders on the phone and water bottles marked by time to let me know how much I should have drunk by a certain point have been great for me.
Forgetting...everything anytime and almost anywhere-Write it down, voice notes, sticky notes...they all work. I use my notes app on my phone though because my phone is always with me for the most part.
Crying jags at the most inappropriate times (is there ever a good time for this? :) )-I've just gotten used to these and most of my friends, family, or sometimes clients have too. I keep small packs of tissues stashed in my car, purse, and around the house for short notice episodes. I am also simply honest with people. There's no need to be ashamed and as adults, we cry when grieving and I've found people to be very understanding when I tell them what's up.
Fatigue-Getting enough sleep, keeping a sleep schedule, and watching something soothing before bed work for me. This means something different to everybody and I'm currently re-watching the entire Andy Griffith Show on Netflix because it is a warm part of my childhood that makes me feel warm, fuzzy, and safe before I sleep.
Lack of motivation-Did you ever play musical chairs as a child? Well, you can take this to the next level as an adult and get your homemaking done too. Find some short songs that you love and motivate you (3 minutes or less is ideal). turn them on and resolve to have a certain task or portion of it done when the music stops.
Weird aches and pains of depression-This was a shocker for me. I thought I'd hurt my back again, but my nurse practitioner and therapist assure me that back pain, headaches, and random aches are very common with depression. I find that stretching, yoga, hot baths or showers, the occasional pain reliever, and simple relaxation are best for handling these pains.
Low immunity (I have been very sick multiple times this winter)- The only thing I can say is finding a good probiotic and stick with it has been the best thing for me along with Vitamin C, D3, and a multivitamin. Making sure to eat whole foods and limiting sugar has also been helpful.
Apathy-Allie Brosh at Hyperbole and a Half described it best when she said depression was like feeling nothing essentially. I'm not sad for the most part actually many days I have no feelings, which can be very scary and should probably be mentioned to a therapist. I have had good results when working with a therapist on this and it is improving with time. I also try to find time for fun and just do it whether I'm feeling fun or not. So I try to have fun, find things I enjoy or previously enjoyed and look for humorous things on a regular basis to try and bring out my feelings that have run for cover many times. If you haven't seen Craig Ferguson's Tickle Fight on Netflix, I recommend it for its sheer comic genius. :)
Stress-related snapping at others and anger-Communication is key again here. I have let those close to me know when I'm having a bad day and I apologize when I snap at others. I also try to keep stress low and reschedule meetings or appointments when I need too.